Ever wonder why there’re times when you self-sabotage your success? Maybe you don’t see it that way. It’s really someone else or something else that throws a kink into your plans that keep you from being successful.
Actually, self-sabotage is just another way to perpetuate your fear of success.
No one sets out to sabotage their success. However, if your success is not on track for happening, you might want to consider you’ve got some sabotaging agents of your own working against you.
Self-sabotage and the subconscious mind
The primary hiding place for self-sabotage is in your subconscious mind. While your subconscious has no specific location in your brain, we know one of its functions is to act like a memory chip. It’s also
- Very subjective, no logic or rationalizing here
- Wired into your emotional network
- Sends information to your conscious mind ASAP
- Recognizes patterns and previous responses
- Creates habits for you to shorten response time
- Likes predictability and resists change
- Loves comfort and avoids pain as much as possible
- Acts to protect and keep your mind and body safe
- Serves as the repository for all your beliefs, attitudes and frames of reference
Self-sabotage and your belief system
Beliefs are a collection of thoughts and feelings that come from your unique experiences and what you’ve learned. They are programmed into a memory database and reflect how you interpret and respond your world.
They also have a wide range of expression – logical to illogical, factual to delusional, fixed to fluid, and experiential to adoptive.
When it comes to fear of success, limiting beliefs are in charge. Click To Tweet
A limiting belief is a belief that overrides anything that is new or different that challenges any of the previously programmed beliefs. For example, a programmed belief can be-
Having a business of your own is risky.
You need a certain amount of luck to be successful.
Entrepreneurs have a high rate of business failures.
Success takes a lot of work.
When a business opportunity presents itself with dollar signs of success, you’re excited. You start off high and find yourself eventually putting it on the back burner. That’s when you know you’ve experienced self-sabotage by your limiting beliefs.
Limiting beliefs make self-sabotage possible
Despite what we want, what we’ve programmed will be the first line of defense against anything that’s new, challenging and inconsistent with what we already believe.
Limiting beliefs have the power to confront your conscious desire with what’s been programmed into your database. If they find the desire to be inconsistent with your subconscious beliefs, up goes the resistance shield to making any changes.
And, we all know success requires making changes. So, no surprise here.
The good side of self-sabotage
Self-sabotage is all about making it easy to stay consistent with what you know and what you have come to believe. It’s about reducing risk, playing it safe, preventing disappointments, minimizing discomfort or pain, having predictability and knowing where you’re at.
It means well, but it’s not in your favor to grow or be successful in a new endeavor.
What makes it good is that it requires you to make a concerted effort to choose to go after what you desire. It means being risky, not playing it safe, getting disappointed, incurring discomfort and pain, dealing with unpredictability and feeling lost at times. And, best of all, it makes you create new success programs for your database.
What’s your success desire that’s been slow in manifesting?
Sources:
http://www.briantracy.com/blog/general/understanding-your-subconscious-mind/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subconscious
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2011/01/free-your-subconscious-of-%E2%80%9Climiting-beliefs%E2%80%9D-stop-merely-surviving-and-start-thriving/
https://www.2knowmyself.com/subconscious_mind/Subconscious_mind_belief_system
https://www.2knowmyself.com/Subconscious_mind
https://www.brucelipton.com/blog/there-way-change-subconscious-patterns
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These things are precisely the reasons why people do not find love either. They have clouded their mind with limiting beliefs that sabotages them and funny they are wondering how come love has not come knocking on their door. I usually share this to my clients as well.
Very true Lorii. Being successful in love is not much different than being successful in life.
I’ve been working on this so much this year. Realizing what the self-sabotaging beliefs are is half the battle. So important to tackle this one!
Good for you Mindy for taking this on. It’s important to address the self-limited beliefs as they come up, and over time you will overcome most of them and still find some hidden pesky ones. But, then you’ll know what to do. Best wishes.
True it is often very risky and it is hard often to do a bit of self-sabotage, because sometimes you would just want things to go easy…
Oh so right, Katarina. The brain is always looking for the easy way. But, we don’t grow and fulfill all our potential unless we challenge those self-sabotaging beliefs and be willing to take some risks.
These are super important because you are right, especially women get this “I can’t do this or I’ll suck at it” mentality.. and I think it’s because we are perfectionists and if we can’t be perfect, we don’t want to try. Great tips.
You’ve got a good point, Kristen. Perfectionism is a quality that easily keeps folks from being successful. I also think it’s related to the challenge for women who have had to prove themselves in male-dominated fields. Not only do they have to be as good, but even better in order to get the recognition.
Sometimes I think that it just comes down to being tired and lazy for me. I believe that success is possible but the question becomes, am I willing to work for it. Sometimes it just seems so far away and so difficult in comparison.
Renee, I can see how you could be tired and think you’re lazy. But, girl you produce such good posts every week! Everyone has to decide if they are willing to work for it. And, you have to weigh your options as to what’s best for you and your family. But, know you do have fans out there who appreciate what you’re doing.
Great read, thanks so much for sharing. It has me wonder if i have any of these traits. Time to take a look at how i run my business and how i look at things emotionally.
I think we all need to stop from time to time to re-examine where we are and where we would like to be. Most folks will only look at their business. Sonya, my also looking at where you are emotionally will give you a much better insight. It’s a hard thing to do for most people, but if you’re willing it can make all the difference as to how you are going to move forward.
Limiting beliefs can create major problems for us. I agree completely. It reminds me of a process I learned many years ago.. from the book ‘to love is to be happy with’ begin by asking yourself.. what would happen if you were successful?? Then from that answer ask the same question.. and so on until the core belief emerges.. very powerful.
An excellent process, Alene. Being willing to ask the question and go deeper helps to reveal the core belief. Funny how most are surprised by what they find. Thanks for sharing this.
Having full and total belief in yourself and your abilities can be very difficult. Self doubt creeps in when you often least expect it. I’m lucky to have some great cheerleaders in my life who help me prevent self-doubts from turning into self-sabotaging behavior.
How wonderful to have a cheerleading backup team to keep self-doubt from taking over. I think we all could do with some cheerleaders in our lives. Are any of yours willing to be rented out?
I never realized I had a either a fear of success or a self limiting belief that I wouldn’t be successful, even as I worked my but off to build my business. Learning to release these feelings can be difficult; thanks for the breakdown. Great article.
Self sabotage is something I am working on …….it’s a daily thing for me as I am my worse critic lol It is all about making a clear path and focus on what you need to do to reach your goal…..no matter what. Such a thought-provoking post Joyce. This is something I am sure that all of do at one point in our lives and or business 🙂 Great post!
Your ability to recognize what’s happening in terms of self-sabotage is a good place to start and work from there. I agree, Joan. I’m sure everyone faces some form of self-sabotage in their lives. If it goes unrecognized or unchallenged, folks get bitter and angry that nothing ever works in their favor. It makes more sense to find out what’s keeping you from being successful and work on it.
Joyce,
It is very easy to self sabotage in any area and it really comes down to one thing and that is confidence and sustaining the business. Self sabotage is a interesting topic that is spoke in groups I facilitate. Some people are very talented and the insight is limited , but other’s may need little help finding certain resources to entitlement the correct strategies. I really liked the article and thought is gave me time to dive into self.
Lori English
So glad you enjoyed this Lori. I agree this is a hot topic that comes up in therapy. Just because the issue is raised, not everyone is ready to admit it’s part of their problem or has access to resources that can help.
Self-sabotage caused by a fear of success is more rampant than many people would admit, Joyce. Whenever I feel those gremlins creeping up, I put my beliefs to the muscle test. More often than not, it isn’t me but the energy of others affecting me and I say No to others opinions and move ahead as planned.
Vatsala, thanks for shedding light on the use of muscle testing. It’s a great tool to get a more insightful view of what’s going on. While, its raises eyebrows, for those of us who use it know what a great tool it can be.
Self sabotage is really easy to fall into if you don’t have confidence in yourself. I think a lot of people like to have something or someone to place blame upon rather than taking the bull by the horns and trying something new. Whatever you believe you can do is correct.
Your right, Jennifer. I love that old phrase – “What you see/say is what you get.” And, so long as you keep stoking the old beliefs nothing changes. No surprise to find it’s easier to blame others than take responsibility yourself.
Ah, you are preaching to the choir, girlfriend. I have and continue to learn these steps “concerted effort to choose to go after what you desire, being risky, not playing it safe, getting disappointed, incurring discomfort and pain, dealing with unpredictability and feeling lost at times. And, best of all, it makes you create new success programs for your database.” Thanks for the reminders!
Yahoo! Teresa. We need to keep spreading the word.
My objective observation of myself, is that I do not easily accept change…unless I initiate it. I see to default to resistance mode and showing that my current way is the best way. Of course, that is self-sabotage. Without flexibility, it is not possible to succeed it seems. I’ve also been mulling this over and seem to become very hard on myself when things aren’t going the way I envisioned them. Many people look for the whys outside themselves, but I seem to always “blame” if that is the right word, myself. My intention for 2017 is to let go of the things that really don’t serve me and to replace that by practicing flexibility and then welcoming change. And to catch myself when I am resisting the changes that are showing up. Thanks for exploring this topic, Joyce! Sounds like a few of us are examining this one in our lives.
Agree, Beverley. It’s been interesting reading the different comments about personally dealing with self-sabotage. It shows how powerful our beliefs come into play when we are seeking some form of success in our lives and/or business. I also think part of belief structure is based on early education, where we are taught there is one right answer and right way (formula) to arrive at that answer. Then, once out of school, there are these rules and ways of doing things if you want to be successful. There’s not much tolerance for flexibility and differences. It’s like arriving at a point in your life and having to find a better way to do things that work for you. It’s a challenge. But I think each of us has to find what really works for us and free ourselves from things that no longer serve us. Thanks for being so open and honest.
As I read you article, this thought caused me pause . . “Beliefs are a collection of thoughts and feelings that come from your unique experiences and what you’ve learned.” I tend to be a strong, positive person, and know now that my mom played a part in that – she was strong, and I saw that modeled. She is gone now, and it was fun to take a great article, and put an unexpected smile on my face. Thank you Mom!
Robin, how wonderful you had a mother who instilled such a wonder and positive attitude. I’m sure you will be passing it on in your own unique way. Thanks for making me smile.
Did you write this blog post for me? Because I think you did! 🙂 I’ve been getting better at removing the self-sabotage aspects of my brain–but it’s work. I don’t know why all of the fears creep up and take over, but I make an effort to quiet the doubts. Life is about risks, and really everything we do could be considered a risk, right? Since I am committed to living life, I am also committed to saying goodbye to fear.
Hey Meghan, don’t worry. There’s lots of us out there dealing with our fears and self-sabotaging ourselves even as we attempt to become successful. It helps to understand that we can fear success just as much as we fear failure. Part of it is also reframing that mistakes are learning experiences, nothing is perfect and there will always be risks. It’s something we all are working on.
I love this exploration of the topic of self-sabotage. It must be in the geshtalt lately, because I’ve been mulling this one over as well.
Yes, I agree. I think that as we approach the end of the year, it’s natural to look back at what we haven’t done and consider if self-sabotage had a role.
I love that you found the positive aspects of self-sabotage Joyce. It really can stop you in your tracks if you allow it to but when you push through, the satisfaction is wonderful.
Sometimes we buy into the negative of something that we forget there’s always a benefit for someone. Thanks for mentioning satisfaction. You’ve triggered a new train of thought. It reminds me that we chase after these lofty goals of wealth and freedom when it’s okay to be content with satisfaction alone.
I’ve been chewing on this a lot lately, Joyce. Specifically, the doing things differently part. And brainstorming crazy possibilities for that. Gotta get those old pathways swept clean and new ones spreading out before me!
As I read you comment, I immediately visualized you replacing an old, thread bare carpet with a new, big magic carpet. Yes, one of those beautifully woven magic carpets that floats! Consider it a sign from the universe and I’m only the messenger.