Saying No is harder than saying Yes. Why is that?
It’s rather straightforward. There’s no immediate reward for your brain when you say No to something.
When you say Yes, your brain’s reward circuit immediately gets flooded with the hormone dopamine. It makes you feel good about the reward you get for saying Yes.
The Yes Reward
One thing about your brain is that it’s overly optimistic and you can easily find yourself saying Yes when you should be saying No.
When you say Yes, you enter into a mental contract. You agree to do something, be somewhere, and allocate your time. Some of these Yes commitments you are willing to enter into and they give you personal satisfaction.
In business, productivity and time management experts tell you that you’ve got to say No to all those distractions and intrusions from people seeking your time, knowledge and expertise. Yet, there’s a kind of satisfaction and reward of knowing that others see you as the go-to person.
You can also enter into Yes agreements with escape rewards. These make saying Yes easier because they come in the form of distractions, preferences or opportunities.
Yes, you know you should be working on your business goals and priorities, but it’s easier to say Yes to something else when you …
- are bored, challenged or stuck
- deserve a break and friends are calling you to join them
- rationalize you’re procrastinating for a greater reason
- feel other items on the to-do list need attention first
- find that bright shiny object is just what you’ve been looking for
- like being stubborn and prefer to work when you feel like it
- feel you can’t pass up on this new opportunity
Saying No Has Its Rewards
Before you were able to qualify as an adult, you probably didn’t have many options for saying No. Parents, school teachers and anyone older than you expected you to say Yes. To say otherwise was an act of disobedience and rebellion. If you fell into line and went with the program, it may explain why you have trouble saying No.
Now, as a business entrepreneur, it’s good business to say No.
Author and marketing strategist, Dorie Clark speaks about how hard it is to say no to the good things that are unrelated to your goals and priorities. Even when you try to be as efficient as possible to squeeze out more time, you still can’t do everything you want.
She recommends asking yourself these four questions before you get drawn away from what you’re intending to accomplish in your business.
- What are your top professional priorities? (How would they be impacted by these other activities?)
- What is the total commitment? (How much time and energy is this going to take?)
- What is the opportunity cost? (Does this new opportunity interfere with your goals or limit you in other ways?)
- What is the physical/emotional cost? (Will this affect your physical health and/or be an emotional strain?)
Saying No Has Its rewards. Click To Tweet
By saying No you …
- simplify your life and your business
- create a balance between business and personal time
- free yourself from unnecessary obligations
- allow yourself to get your work done without distractions and intrusions
- give yourself more time to work on the goals and priorities of your business
- and, most important of all – “It’s the only way to reach the level of focus and productivity that allows you to become great.” – Dorie Clark.
What’s something you should be saying No to in your business?
Resources:
https://zenhabits.net/say-yes/
https://hbr.org/2016/01/how-to-say-no-to-things-you-want-to-do
Image: Pixabay 1532840
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Although I have never had difficulty saying “no”, it certainly becomes even easier as I age. There a many people in my life who have considered that selfish; however, I do not see it that way. I consider it a part of having healthy boundaries. In this world of tight deadlines and distractions, it is important to prioritize quickly and eliminate unnecessary tasks from your day. This is a simple mindset shift.
I like the way you phrased it, Rachel about being a simple mind shift. Saying No has to be part of your own healthy boundaries. Some may not see it that way, but you can’t let others take over your life when it suits them.
Your four questions to ask yourself are great. It’s something really tangible that is easy to remember and gives you a standard against which to assess every opportunity. I think it does become easier to say now as your business grows and becomes more successful. It is easier to pick and choose what you do when you have a happy bank manager!
I think it’s always a good idea to stop and reassess the situation by asking a few questions before you find yourself going down a less rewarding path. Glad you liked the question format.
Your questions to determine what to decline and what to accept really resonated with me. I have learned over time to refuse clients when they do not fit into my goals. Working on a project that is time consuming and not energizing is not worth any financial remuneration. As an entrepreneur it’s a hard lesson to learn.
That’s a good clarifier, Alene, by asking whether a client fits your goals. I can see how that is very important when you’re working on a one-of-kind creative endeavor.
I used to say Yes in my younger years and it took some burning of fingers and bridges to learn to say No, Joyce and it was worth it.
The wakeup call was when I began to notice that I was perpetually busy and the person to whom I had said yes to was relaxing. That’s when I set up my personal and professional boundaries and learned to say No.
Having said that, I still say Yes, but after taking care of my priorities and if I am in a position to deliver on a yes.
Most people I know respect it and those who don’t are few and rare. I will confess though that my Miss Coco is one furry friend whom I cannot say no to although over time I have learned to negotiate play time with her. 🙂
Our furry friends are the only ones who have a right to interrupt. They seem to know that we need to take a break and that they have been patient and waited long enough. How insulting for others to request your help and then relax. Boundaries are a must if we are to be treated as professionals. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Took me a long to learn to say no and and my contrast is to ask are you saying yes to you first – wrote a post on this recently too. Love that the brain can become opomistic xxx
I like that, saying Yes to yourself first.
I might be tested this afternoon, Joyce. I’ve been supporting a long-time friend who is building a new potential mega internet network and doing it for no compensation. The promise is that once he is closer to monetizing the site, I will be paid. He has now asked me for more content and more input and I have to possibly say ‘no’, unless there is a concrete commitment to being paid and when.
I am guilty of continuing to offer people ideas and information, simply because it is so easy for me and often I am streaming the info that seems right for them. I rarely get paid for any of this. I often say ‘yes’ reluctantly and honestly it isn’t giving me a dopamine rush, but loads of frustration that I am not more firm with my ‘no’s’. Sometimes when I finally do say ‘no’, I actually feel a huge rush that I was finally able to do it! Make sense?
I think the idea of having a concrete commitment before going further makes sense. It’s wonderful to support great ideas with potential, but you also should consider this as a business arrangement. You don’t want to be the one he tells sorry I can’t pay you.
Thanks for this. What’s funny are the things that it’s easy to say no to and the things that just really drag us down because we have such a hard time saying no.
Agree, Cathy. That’s the hard part of saying No. But, everyone has to decide how much time do they want to sacrifice when they have their own important things that need to get done.
I always learn something from you, Joyce. I didn’t know that saying yes caused a dopamin flow! Makes sense though, doesn’t it.
Thank goodness I have learned to say no. Although I still slip up now and then. Love the 4 questions–that helps focus a lot!
I’m always happy to slip in some brain information to help explain why we do the things we do.
I feel like you wrote this post especially for me, Joyce, as saying ‘no’ is something I’m really struggling with at the moment. My brain is overly optimistic to the point of lunacy, a state I may just reach if I don’t learn to say that word more often.
Saying no is never easy. As wives, mothers, and grandmothers we are continually tested. But, when it comes to business, we got to be able to say no, if we want to accomplish what we want to do. I think J.K. Rowling had the right idea of booking a hotel room where she could go to write in peace. Not, that we can afford to do that, but there’s got to be a magic garden somewhere we can escape to.
Joyce, thirty years ago when first started as a chemical dependency counselor, we focused a lot on Codependency. I think it was the author Claudia Black that said to say No at least six times a day. That was a quite a concept. Today I work on saying Yes to rest, taking a short walk, setting a 15 minute timer to get something I’ve resisted going again and letting others shine by not feeling like I have to do it all. This is great information, confirmation and a helpful reminder!
Thanks for the added thought Cndess. I was writing from the perspective of the value of saying no, and I did infer there were things we were inclined to say Yes to. But, I should have made it clearer there are definitely things we should be saying Yes to for the benefit of our well-being. T